David Rubenstein, the billionaire philanthropist and former Carlyle Group CEO, shared something at the Aspen Ideas Festival that made me rethink everything about success metrics. He quoted David Brooks’ famous distinction: “Write your eulogy, not your resume.”
Rubenstein has lived this philosophy. Despite building one of the world’s largest private equity firms, he’s spent the last decade giving away hundreds of millions to preserve American history—buying the Magna Carta, restoring the Washington Monument, acquiring multiple copies of the Declaration of Independence.
“The greatest feeling… is helping other people,” he said. “The very wealthy people that don’t help other people, they’re pretty sad souls.”
This connects to research from Harvard’s Grant Study, which followed subjects for over 80 years. The conclusion? Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.
But here’s what struck me: Rubenstein isn’t just practicing charity—he’s practicing stewardship. He sees himself as temporarily holding resources that belong to the country’s future.
Resume virtues: The skills and achievements that get you hired and promoted. Eulogy virtues: The character traits people remember after you’re gone.
Most leaders spend 90% of their energy on resume virtues …
✔️ Hitting quarterly numbers
✔️ Building their network
✔️ Advancing their career
✔️ Growing their influence
… when they should be spending more time on the eulogy virtues: kindness, courage, integrity, humility—get squeezed into the margins.
Rubenstein’s insight: You can build both simultaneously, but only if you’re intentional about it.
The question that haunts me: If someone wrote your eulogy today based on how you’ve led in the past year, what would they say? And is that the leader you want to be remembered as?
David Rubenstein’s “How to Lead” features interviews with prominent leaders about character-based leadership. The Harvard Study of Adult Development provides decades of research on what actually creates fulfillment.
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