At the Aspen Ideas Festival, David Brooks shared something that perfectly captures the leadership paradox we all face: “I write from 7am to 1pm every day. My Fitbit thought I was napping, but I was doing what God wants me to do. I don’t like writing. I want to write.”

This distinction between “liking” and “wanting” reveals something profound about motivation that most leaders miss.
Brooks was drawing on neuroscience research: our brains have two different systems. The “liking” system is opioid-based—it creates pleasure and satisfaction. The “wanting” system is dopamine-based—it drives motivation and pursuit.

The leadership insight: The things that most fulfill us long-term often don’t feel good in the moment.

I see this everywhere:

✔️ Great salespeople don’t like making cold calls, but they want the results
✔️ Effective managers don’t like difficult conversations, but they want healthy teams
✔️ Successful entrepreneurs don’t like the grind, but they want the impact

This explains why so many well-intentioned initiatives fail. We design reward systems around “liking” (bonuses, perks, recognition) when we should be understanding what people truly “want” (purpose, growth, mastery).

The best leaders I know have learned to distinguish between these systems in themselves and others. They don’t try to make everything enjoyable—they help people connect daily tasks to deeper wants.

Brooks’s insight reminds me of Viktor Frankl’s observation: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

The question that challenges me: What do you want so much that you’re willing to do it even when you don’t like it? And how are you helping your team connect their daily work to their deeper wants?

David Brooks is the author of “The Road to Character” and “The Second Mountain.” His New York Times columns consistently explore the intersection of psychology, purpose, and human flourishing.